Loss, and then some...

This is not going to be funny...or rage filled...just need to get some things out.

Tonight I am left angry, depressed, sad and well just pissed off. Angry that things don't always turn out the way you think they will day to day. Depressed because I had to pay damn near $90 to fill my tank and get milk and bread. Sad...well, just sad. Sad for my friends and sad for myself. And pissed off for certain reasons that shall remain private. I have been incognito for awhile now. I have struggled with whether or not to write about what has happened lately. I didn't want to bring undue attention to me and my crazy hot mess of a life when those so close to me are hurting so badly. But I am completely heartbroken, for me...but more so for my friends. In shock. I still do not believe it is real. Those that know what happened, know that sadly Nikki and Charlie are no longer here on earth...those that do not...I will make an exception and apologize because there is no need for detail. I have dealt with loss in many forms...too many times in my short lifetime. And each time is hard. We all have. You are not quite sure what to say or do for those grieving. And you are not sure what to do with your own grief. Death is the most inevitable part of this life we each have. Whether it be our own or someone we love. There is no making it sound graceful, it is the hardest thing any of us will face. Ever. Period. There is no escaping it. In my own experience...dealing with it all has taken its toll and continues to. You sit and think "what ifs" and "if only's" daily...if not all day in the back of your mind. It can take over your entire being. There is no stopping it. And to me, sitting and thinking about all of those things is not necessarily a bad thing, we all deal with it differently. Personally, it took over a year before I could go back to dad's grave after the funeral. Same with Gram. I still have not been to Grampa's. It is too final for me I guess you could say. In my head...they were not really gone until that moment I pulled in the cemetery a year or more later. At the same time...I had given myself enough reprieve that I had come to peace with the fact that they had been up above watching over me the whole time I was putting it off. They were already at peace. No more pain, or worry. And had been for some time. It still does not make it any easier. I cry. Oh do I cry. I wish and wish that I could just hug them once more or just hear one word from their lips...all the while knowing it will never happen. I still sit alone at least once every month and watch every video...look through pictures and talk aloud to them like they are right next to me. Hell, I talk to my daddy every.single.day. Like I said, we all deal differently...and whatever works for each of us...works. Whatever gets you through it. Because, let's face it...there is no "getting over" it. You have to find a way to keep going. I found writing helped...and I went through my folders and folders of journal entries such as this:

my letting out

October 2, 2007

"Well, it is getting damn close to one year since dad passed. I still have not been to visit his grave. I don’t think I can. I don’t think I can remain as strong for everyone if I give in and throw in the towel so to speak. I only say that because, I cannot let myself think of his body being there underground and his soul in heaven at the same time. What the hell, it isn’t even about anyone else, it is about me. Me and the fact that I cannot, I refuse to let go. Somehow I have managed to go crazy inside of my own head without letting on to anyone else that I am anymore crazy than normal. I go about my day to day and think, “hell, if I don’t actually go there, it is not real.” It is the same with Gram…I CANNOT do it yet. I don’t know when I will be able to do it. I will go eventually. This all will break me HARD one day…and I will more than likely be in a mass depression for weeks. This will seem strange for most, because most “normal” folk grieve at the time their loved ones pass. I on the other hand…apparently tend to hold it in a bit. Mom and the rest of the family go quite often to the graves. They decorate the graves, talk to dad and gram and then they call me to tell me about it. I don’t break down, I listen and lie. I tell them, “Yeah, I was just there the other day, the wreath is gorgeous.” I don’t have the heart to break theirs. I cannot allow them to think me that heartless. I am not that heartless. I am a coward. That is it, the truth is out. I am not strong. I cannot handle everything that this life throws my way. I pray to God every time I drive the road that leads to where they lay buried for the strength to slow down and turn in. That strength has not come to me yet. I am confident God will grant me that strength when He knows I am ready to deal with it."

The past couple of weeks have hit hard. Not only did I lose friends, but my friends...my chosen family lost family and friends. And like I told mom, I forgot what it was like to lose someone you genuinely care about and at the same time don't have to stay strong for anyone all the time. It hits you all at once and does not stop. At the same time it hurts constantly, not for your own sorrow...but because you know how much those that lost, those you love so very much are hurting. It tugs and rips your heart...you can be there...that's all you can do...and it never seems enough. No amount of shoulder to lean on, coffee and doughnuts, an ear to listen will do what you so wish that it could. All the while just being there helps those, and they tell you so...and deep down you know it does...it still does not seem enough. I find it hard to look them in the eye...because I know if I do we will cry. Which is fine, that's allowed. Like I just read earlier from a very wise person, there is no expiration date on tears. Tears. No recession on tears lately. I miss them both so much. A friend and I talked today...and lunch time...well...it will never be the same without Nikki. Even if she opted out...it was always a question, "where is Nik going today?" And Charlie and I met a couple times...but we facebooked it up...he was SO funny! I am going to miss all of it. All of them. All that they would have been...together. All I can say...is that I will be here no matter what for those that lost, ALWAYS, Nikki will always be at lunch with us daily and with me during every Bengals game no matter how badly they are playing, Charlie...well, I will be walking in October in their honor since they wanted to go...and not a St. Patty's Day will go by without thinking of him. Rest in peace my friends...I know you are wrapping your wings around those that need you most. Thinking of you always!

I will leave you with this from my very dear friend:

This is for all that have EVER lost: Everyday I think, ache, and cry for my darling little girl ♥. I kept writing on her fb more to just keep in contact I think with her. For some reason it made me feel closer. Maybe like she was reading it. Afraid she couldn't hear my thoughts.

I started a journal this morning. It is everything I think, feel, and some things are what I said to her and other things are what I want to say to her. Doesn't matter if it makes since. Doesn't matter if I misspell, doesn't matter if I write sloppy!

I feel (even tho I just started it today) that it is helping me. The tears haven't flowed today..not saying they won't later but it is like a release. Something just between me and Nik. It sits beside my chair and when I start thinking about her, I pick it up and just start writing!

Everyone is different, everyone has their own way. Maybe if you pick up a journal and just start writing to your loved one something just between you and them. I have no idea how long I will write. Don't know if I will do it everyday. All I know is right now, at this very moment I am breathing, not crying and think it is helping me!

When I went to get the journal I looked and looked just for the "right" one. I saw these beautiful purple lilac's on this book. I didn't notice what it said until I picked it up this morning to start writing. On the front it says "From the fullness of His Grace we have all received one blessing after another". John 1:16. I thought aww my blessing was having her in my life!

Then I opened the book and looked at the bottom of the page. On every single page it says "May God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord show you His kindness and mercy and give you great peace of heart and mind". I Timothy 1:2

I thought OMGOSH I was meant to do this....

If you feel this may help someone you know, please feel free to re-post this. I feel this is Nikki still at work, helping not only her mommy but others too! ♥

~~til next time~~

xoxo

Girls Hold Up This World...

Hola internet peeps. After playing outside and then baking all evening I was watching the latest and loveliest Jenna Marbles video of the week...and decided to give myself a super quick pedicure. While doing so I clicked a video that popped up on the side of this obviously semi teenage girl. I was instantly disgusted. Not at her, at all. At everyone that made her feel that she needed reassurance that she was beautiful. And once I clicked on it...a slue of others showed up with the same premise. What the FUCK are we doing to our young girls??!! I make fun of my imperfections and make light of them with my girls and I tell them all the time how beauty is not on the outside. I know, sounds like I live in fucking Disney right? No...I am not saying that they don't see me throw a slight hissy fit when something doesn't fit...and they see me working out now and ask why I am. I tell them it is to be healthier. I don't admit it is because I want to be in that gorgeous black dress that has been hanging in my closet for 9 years but can't because thanks to the wondrous act of childbirth thrice times over it will never happen! No. I really try hard to teach them not to live up to "society's" standards of beauty. I mean...just seeing the video above...and then this girl...and then this girl...and this girl...and even this girl who is 21!!! I am flabbergasted. And sad. So sad that these BEAUTIFUL girls think so little of themselves that they look towards youtube for confirmation and acceptance. Do not even get me going on the comments under some of these videos. I have flagged more comments on youtube tonight than I have since I discovered the site. The majority of the comments were sincere and reassuring, which is what I think these girls were looking for. Some comments were down right disgusting and degrading. The remainder of the comments were along the lines of, "Ur beautiful. Dont let any1 tell u ur not. Im 16 and would totally date you." They went on to list IM add's which I went through and flagged immediately. Those comments make me think it is from some piece of shit that resides under a steaming pile of cow shit coming from a cow that has mad cow disease who still resides in their mother's basement...and she doesn't think anything is wrong with a 40 year old species of the male gender because he is always there to take her to bingo and make pharmacy runs for her and tuck her in at night. Run on sentence much? In a word...pedophile. Mother fuckin low life sons a bitches. There is NO cure for that sickness. But that is a WHOLE other blog for another time. I will probably do that one Saturday, so y'all might wanna request off work...that could take a few days. I digress. With the birth of each of my girls, I have purchased the most wonderful of books. One for each of them. I have inscribed each one to fit each birth. If you have a daughter...she needs to have this book right HERE!! Girls DO hold up this world!! We need to teach our young ladies to be strong and confident and beautiful, from the inside, from their heart. It holds the simplest yet most profound message we could ever bestow upon them ladies and gents! Read it to them. Make them read it. It should be mandatory. It is my favorite children's book of all time. I wish I could mail a copy to the girls in the videos above. For this line alone: "We are sisters of this Earth -- members of one powerful tribe. Every color, age, and size, we're united by beauty inside."

This day and age is so strange to me. I suppose there was always that question of 'am I good enough or pretty enough'...and maybe it is because I am older and I don't remember it being that way. But I wish it was not that way for my daughters. And all of the young girls.

I know y'all are thinking where did this sunshine and roses we all should live atop rainbows and have pet unicorns and dancing fairy godmothers lady come from. I do have a soft side...and just like the aforementioned book says, when we show our softer side, does not mean we're weak. I am FAR from weak.

So, that is it for this evening.

Til next time.

xoxo

The Walking Dead: Part I

All I can say is that if you do not watch The Walking Dead:

a) you suck rotten zombie balls

b) you need to watch this most amazing show from the beginning

c) you will not follow what I am about to write...AT ALL

d) ALL OF THE ABOVE!!

ALSO>>>DISCLAIMER!!!! DO NOT READ THIS UNTIL YOU WATCH THE SHOW!!!!! PLEASE!!! Also, this WILL be all over the place and jump around...hope y'all can keep up.

So. Here we go.

I have so many theories...so many rants...I just do not know where to begin. First and foremost...you must know that Daryl is THE MAN and if anything happens to him I will be BEYOND consolation. I cried when Sophia died...and Dale...but WOW. Shane????? Now see, you should know that I don't read the graphic novel...and that to me is a great thing because I don't know what "could" happen. Obviously the show does not follow it to the letter. ANYWAY...Shane. Why? Really?? I miss him already. Also, I am WAY too invested in this show. Yes Shane was a loose cannon...but if you watch him close enough...man, he's all man, all heart and would give all to protect the group, whether it is the moral choice or not. And let's face it...when the zombie's come...pretty sure morals go out the window. When it comes down to it, zombies are some scary ass shit, but the living that are left are scarier. Shane got that. If you ask me what Shane's downfall was it was Lori. Lori is a bitch! I cannot stand her. Seriously? It is the middle of the zombie apocalypse and she RARELY knows where her son is!!! He is a kid!! A kid that decides to walk off into the woods all ladi-da and throw rocks @ a walker???!!! Really??? He IS the reason Dale is dead. No matter what anyone told him. Now I will say this...that kid is an amazing actor...he is. But I can't say that when he was taunting the walker in the mud I didn't secretly wish it would get him just to devastate Lori...because I did. But after last night, now I feel so bad for Carl. Having to do what he did. Again...where the FUCK was she???? Why was he out of her sight??? OMG. Worst parent of the apocalypse award goes to her. Hands down. Back to Shane. Shane, the one that may have been crazy, but did the most to make sure the group survived. =(. I hate that I just made a sad face in my blog, but I don't know what else to say. Three times now I have watched the last episode, and each time...right before 'it' happens...I see the good once again in Shane's eyes. I think no...not gonna happen this time...but it does...and I am left sad again. And all those walkers in the woods?? What the fuck? Shane would be a great asset at this point. UGH. Again, Lori, "come on Carl, I want you to stay with Jimmy"...she is ALWAYS passing that kid off on someone else. She just...aaaaghhhhhhhhhhhh. Wah. And when Dale is disemboweled..."go in the house and lock the door"? He never went to the house, he's a kid....a curious kid!!! I know she will make it and so will the baby...the baby holds the key to the antibodies I think...well, Linsey and I think. We also think that Jenner whispered to Rick at the CDC that the 'virus' is airborne...and everyone has it. That it just doesn't take hold til you die. I don't know...no one does. Some people think Shane wanted Rick to do what he did...I kind of do too, all because Lori just HAD to go talk to him again...bitch whore...it just sucks all around. This solidifies that NO ONE is safe. NO ONE. Which makes it a great viewing experience, but at the same time traumatizes people such as myself that rely so heavily on this show. And honestly...if Shane was not like watching my brother Dan, I probably would not be so worked up...but anyone that knows him could so easily see the similarities. That is what makes it so hard for me I think.

RIP Shane.

I will be writing a part two to this after Sunday. I know this one didn't make much sense. Next one will.

Til next time...

XOXO

Failure is NOT an option!

Was watching My Drunk Kitchen tonight while waiting for a cake to cool enough to decorate...yea...if you didn't know it...I make cakes! Anyway, I'm a much better cook and baker than Hanna...however not nearly as entertaining. LOVE her! Even better is to watch my all time fave youtube lady Jenna here...then watch Hanna here. Yes yes, it is obvious I have been spending WAY too much time on the internet. But are you kidding me? Who wouldn't with such righteous bitches as fore mentioned??? Also, I am not completely sure I am spelling Hanna's name right. I'm guessing not. But I am getting my point across that she is The Boss Applesauce...you know...to Jenna's fuckin youtube fuckin unicorns shitting rainbow pancakes with a side of BACON status!

ANYWAY!!! I was chit chatting with a dear friend and the convo went towards NOT setting your kids up for failure. And SO many are guilty of it. Even the schools are guilty of it. What the fuck is wrong with getting letter grades by the third grade? What the fuck is up with EVERY kid getting in a trophy in EVERY SINGLE sport or activity??? I am all for raising a child with high self esteem...but if they grow up getting rewarded for everything what skills for coping with loss is that going to leave them with in the real world? NONE. It breeds people that will eventually need to go on drugs and spend countless hours in therapy thinking they are not good enough. (I am not knocking therapy...it has done great things for a lot of people.) I just feel like we are all conditioning the youth of our generation to think that no matter what the situation they cannot lose. I honestly think that is why so many freshman in college do so poorly their first year. They have spent their whole life "pseudo winning". Now they are in the real world away from friends and family most times...and left feeling alone and lost. If you think I am wrong...please stop reading now. They are left not knowing how to deal with the real world. Not sure if you've noticed...but the real world is a cruel, heartless place when it comes to jobs, money, sustainability. No matter if we are in a recession or not. People are people...we judge others. If you say you don't, you are a liar. You may be flower power love every single being be it plant or animal...but you judge. You will disagree with someone's beliefs or platform. You will be on one side of an issue, however, fail to see even the slightest point on the other side. I am GUILTY of judging. I wish I didn't. But I am big enough to admit that I do. Obviously. Let me first say that I totally 100% wholeheartedly agree with building your child up to think that they are the cat's meow...to a point. I don't want my girls to think that they are better than anyone, but I do want them to think that if they work at it they can be the best at things. At the same time, I want them to understand and realize that there may be someone that does something better than them. I do NOT discourage my children when it comes to their hopes and dreams. I am a realist. Therefore, they in turn will be as well. I want them to all be gracious when they lose a game and at the same time thankful for the experience.

Here is where it may get sketchy. WHY oh dear Lord WHY do people think it is completely fine to feed their children SO much of CRAP FOOD??? You would think at a certain point someone would stop and think to themselves...wow. Just wow. Gotta cut off the McD's. That is not baby fat and it ain't comin off easy. I really have no room to talk...I can't get a grasp on my own eating habits. I've had three kids and in no way do I look like I did at eighteen. But we learn our habits early. My mother in law met me to drop off the kids on the way to her paint class tonight and I was driving the kids home. Asked them about their day...and Abigail said, "My day was good...but I want a happy meal and a frosty." NOT happening. I told her she and Sydnee needed to think of something we could make at home and just because they came into town where there is a McD's does not mean she is getting it. She said she wanted a humongous salad with mushrooms and ranch. Sydnee said, "I don't want salad but I would like that white pasta with peppers and some of that yummo broccoli." You know, because it's yummo in the tummo. So...there you go.

I may do things late at night in the basement that are bad for me like smoke and drink and watch zombie shows and slasher movies....but I am empowering my children to do the right thing. I shield them from the scary part of mommy. And it is paying off so far. It may come back to bite me in the ass...and you may judge me for my own tactics as people WILL DO. My kids are BY FAR not perfect, nor do they always do the right thing...but I would like to think Jamie and I are doing what we think is best for ours...and they seem to be doing excellent so far. They have common sense...which is one of the most invaluable lessons as far as I am concerned. They have compassion for others. They are super creative. They love things on their own without being coaxed into it...well mostly. My girls do love to rock out with mommy. In my defense...I'd rather they hear these lyrics than these...which is what my SIX year old learned at school and then taught to my 3 year old. Not cool for a six year old to be singing. I feel like I set a good even example for them...I dance to Ellen in the kitchen almost nightly cooking dinner and they join in...we have a fun house...but a strict house. A house that makes them feel safe and at the same time we prepare them for what is to come in their lives. Shit, fuck dude...the world is scary. Scarier than any zombie flick I watch on TV. I made them watch the video on the news a couple weeks ago that showed some guy trying to take off with that little girl from Walmart. They were scared shitless...and I loved every minute of it. I want my kids to have to have that even balance of the world is a wondrous place and scary as fuck...and know the difference. We CANNOT shield our kids anymore from everything...we CANNOT pacify them forever...they NEED to know what it feels like to lose early in life so they rise above and do better and greater things!!

If I make it to age 75...and that is generous...I hope I have a youth that can lead this country in the right direction. All because they were raised with morals, good intentions followed by great outcomes and common sense. That is what we ALL need to get back to.

ALL over the place...but I think...I think I got my points across. We shall see huh?

Hope it was an enjoyable read!

Til next time

xoxo

Just a Little Ventilation Was Needed...

Blogging again. About what yet I am not sure. I could speak of politics and the upcoming race for election which may be the best and worst joke simultaneously ever. I could speak of money and the lack there of, which would lead back to politics. I could speak of insurance of all shapes and sizes, which would lead back to politics. I could speak of the gas prices, which would lead back to politics. Basically every single thing I am pissed off or worried about leads back to politics. My Gram always told me to never discuss politics, religion or money. Wise woman that one. If I start on one of the three, this blog would go on for a decade and more than likely make more than a few enemies...and give me an aneurysm in the process. I am 100% more worried about the latter.

I was so hopeful that I could keep up on this and stay, not necessarily hot-headed...but at least fired up about detailing my most prominent thoughts of the moment. I am left again with writers block. I could blame the block on a combination of everything I deal with on a daily basis...and it would be completely valid. My kids, I love them to the moon and back. They demand SO much of me...there is little left of me at times for me. Which is completely to be expected. Does not mean that I have to like that. Maybe I am selfish to a point...I wish I could clone myself 6 times over to have enough of me to go around. Work, husband, kids, house...life. Not even gonna happen. Even when I purposely ration my time...it doesn't work...that's just stupid. You cannot possibly schedule one on one time with a household because everyone needs something all at once all the time. Wow...looky there...block has been handed a healthy dose of Draino. I was in SUCH a great mood when I got home this evening, and I was super motivated as well. I had a set plan on what was going to get done this evening housework wise and everything. It took all of 10 minutes being home to crush that. A 6 year old bouncing off the walls and NOT listening to a word I said, a 3 year old complaining about the dinner we were going to have and a 7 month old that was not having mommy "not" hold her...all AT ONCE while trying to cook. Don't EVEN get me started on Dude's role in this whole evening. Needless to say, my solid plans turned liquid and quickly went down the drain. Much like they as well had had a healthy dose of Draino. So here I am. Doing exactly what I didn't want to do. Bitch and moan about the life that I love. But it is the main focus in my life...so I guess it was inevitable. Jamie does not get home most nights until 6...sometimes 7. Sophia wants to be in bed by 7:30. So from 5:15 until he gets home, and even after it is CHAOS. Until he gets home it is 6 against 1. I even have the piece of shit cat bitching at me when I go back to the garage to get my purse and whatever else I could not get the first trip from the truck into the house when we get home. And then Zobert, who I LOVE...is even driving me crazy because she CANNOT stand Dude...so she barks and barks and barks. And Dude...even now...while I am down here writing...I can hear his dumbass pacing and pacing and pacing because no one is in the living room with him. No. Not going to get started on the puppy. Needless to say, nothing is getting done that needs to be done because yet again I am left feeling like I am buried under the amount of things that need to be done. Instead I am sitting alone in peace and quiet in the only clean room in my house, the basement. Where it is...and I cannot stress this enough...it is QUIET. Quiet on the outside anyway...my head is never quiet. I am sitting here writing and at the same time thinking about everything I want to get organized and de-cluttered and just in order so my life feels like it is in order too. Maybe it will get there. Who knows. Like my mom says all the time, "your kids will never remember how clean your house was, but how loved they were." True words. If only my OCD could embrace that statement. I suppose you could say that I am not technically OCD any longer...I am...but physically I cannot motivate myself to do anything right now. Simply because as soon as I do, one of these little people go behind me and mess it up. So I am calm now that everyone is in bed. Now it is MY time. No one needs a drink or a hug or a story...just me. So I think I am done venting for the evening. Granted it was not all that entertaining of a read. But...it is what it is.

Maybe that is the secret to blogging...you just start typing...and edit later...and you're left with something you're semi happy with.

Promise to rain hail fire and brimstone on our future dates.

Thanks for listening y'all.

Until next time!

xoxo

God bless America...land that I loathe?

Randomly browsing the wonderful world web this evening to relax. Why you ask? Why is right. Who in their right mind browses the evil internet contraption to relax? Namely just about every person I know, in real life or on Facebook. Why is still a valid question though. One I just asked myself after coming across this star spangled piece of information:

Police: Ind. Man Stabbed Pups Over Tax Refund

I guess the government has finally done it! There is finally a good reason to stab puppies and beat the shit out of your girlfriend! Woot woot! Let's celebrate!!

What the fuck people? There are so many things wrong with this fucked up situation my cluttered little head cannot even fathom where to begin.

First of all, I will start at the bottom of the article stating the simple fact that after counts of battery and CHILD MOLESTATION...yes, MOLESTATION...again in case you missed it...MOLESTATION...dumbass was let out on bond. I do not even pretend to know all the ins and outs and what have yous about the law...but really??? I searched Randolph County...and no results found for Dennis White so he has not been "convicted" thus far to be fair. I say fair in the amount that it is like the amuse bouche of the definition. It is at best amuse-ing.

My second question...what the fuck is wrong with this woman? You cannot tell me she doesn't know his background...hell...she probably has a private room at the local ER thanks to this colossal ASS-BAG. WHY did she even put herself in this position? I know I was taught to "not judge a book by its cover"...but seeing his mugshot printed for the world to see along with what I am sure is only a "smidge" of his rap sheet...I think it is fine and dandy in this instance to judge away. And so I am, obviously. Drug-fueled psycho. That is the first thing that comes to mind. HEAVY emphasis on the "psycho". Who the FUCK looks at this guy and says to themselves, "Yes! He is IT!!! Everything I could have dreamed of! We will ride unicorns into the sunset and make rainbow babies!" Looks more like they went on an adventure to Candy Mountain in the end. And we all know what happened to Charlie. Now, I am not completely biased...I realize it is a mugshot. Maybe he is a clean cut khaki wearing perfect tie goes with my iced mocha kinda guy. I HIGHLY doubt it. I personally feel that some of Lindsay Lohan's mugshots bring out her glorious features than others that the papparatz peeps capture too, however, I am getting away from my point. Not only ALL of the above lady...but WHY, dear God why would you even tell him you got a check??? How easy is it to say..."yo, didn't come yet." Even dope-heads know the gov't is fucked up and it takes forever to get a check! You would have listened to him rant and rave about how fucked up the gov't is...and he probably would have walked out of your house willingly and went to the nearest walker of the night persuasion to get his fix and you AND your dogs would be fine.

Third point being...those poor poor dogs! That is the saddest thing about this whole ATROCITY. Two weeks old...I am cringing even thinking about it. Sarah McLachlan should have free reign with this sorry fuck waste of a human life. I cannot even elaborate on this part too much because it makes me so ill. Does that say something about me? I care more about the dogs in this than the woman? Maybe so. I am all for woman empowerment and pro-choice and anti-abuse. I understand if a woman has a hard time escaping an abusive situation. I really do. At the same time...I do feel like some women keep going back and put themselves in a situation that can end in tragedy. I speak from experience to a point. I have been in situations as such and left at the first sign. Period. You do not let it get to the next level. Because the next level could be the end. I have had friends who were and ARE in this situation. And I make no apologies for the fact that I do NOT feel sorry for them. And they know my feelings on it. Time after time after time. They have been offered help...and the hold that that ignorant, cowardly, sorry excuse for a living being has on them is too strong. Stronger than they are. It makes me sad yes. But do I feel sorry for them...no. Would I be there for them...yes. Would I be completely 100% bluntly honest about what I think they should do? Yes. Would I be the first to call the proper authorities? Yes. And I have. More than once. Have I lost friends because of this? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes. But you have to let people live their lives I suppose. As long as they are not the abuser...in that scenario they should be bound and covered in honey and put on a red ant hill and then unbound and drawn and quartered...just sayin. See? I got to ramblin again.

This world gets more fucked up by the minute. And it sucks that I have to shield my daughters from so much and at the same time educate them about the far too many dangers outside the walls of our home. That in itself could be labeled a full time job. Not could be...it is.

In conclusion...get it together people! Live your life and be kind to humans and animals...and for the love of God stop stabbing puppies!!!

*Disclaimer: I may reference wanting to harm my puppy...but I want it known...that no matter how bad my crack habit gets...I would never harm him...in any way. I do love the little sumbitch!! Also...I LOVE my country...I really do...I am thankful to be here...where I can share what insanity is in my head to y'all...and I love that people still want to protect this great land...even though the majority of its leaders ideals are insane. Not excluding my own. =) Not that I am a leader by no means...though I hope to be. A leader of awesomeness. Thanks.

**Disclaimer Numero Dos: I may make a great deal of disclaimers in this blog.

***Disclaimer Numero Tres: I googled "numero dos"...funny and ironic seeing as how I refer to Dude as stupid as shit...but I was totally serious about not harming my dog, I would NEVER do it. The worst I would do is cage him if he got too outta hand. And just in case you are wanting to google "numero tres" now...already done for you. And not funny...or ironic...or really anything as far as I can tell. Except Spanish for #3. Obviously I cannot figure out how to make the little ' over the 'e' in numero.

Until next time! xoxo